Coming Together

The pieces are beginning to come together now.

Although I have made mistakes and faltered from my once renewed vows, I see where the pieces are beginning to fit together - atleast the corners anyway. My job, my home, my kids, my kitty, my love life, my family and my friends.

Lets start with my Kitty. I got him yesterday. His birthday, ironically, March 17, the day of my demise and also my rebirth. How fitting, dont you think. I have said I wanted a cat for years now and have put it off for the fear of even a little responsibility. Well, he couldnt of come at a more perfect time. If you keep up with my blog you know I have been praying for companionship. Not exactly what I meant, but as soon as I met him and took him - I knew it was exactly what I needed and exactly why I knew why I wanted a cat to begin with. When you live alone - well its lonely. I am not a dog person - that is way too much for me. I am way more a cat person, we are a different breed of personality. Me and Sgt Pepper will get along perfectly. I broungt him home last night and then went to Wal-Mart and bought all the neccessities, food, litter box, litter, toys, scratch pad. It took him awhile to get used to his new surroundings and after finally finding him in a box in the kids closet, I played with him and showed him all his new stuff. Later in the night he curled up on the couch around my neck and we watched TV. He slept in the bed all night, little cute guy. He played all morning in the bedroom while I got ready for work and was eating in his new little bowl as I left out the door. Too cute. I hope he doesnt get scared by himself. Im ready to be home with him. I am glad I am not going anywhere tonight. I am ready for the kids to see him - Gray will be thrilled, Tyler, such the protector, will be glad someone is there with me now. Sgt Pepper is clearly just the companion I needed.

That leads me to my love life. Saturday was a realization night for me, a crushing one, but one nonetheless. The words I needed to hear came pouring out like vomit out of a sorority girls nostrils. It was horrible and awful and it burned. I couldnt stop them so I walked away. My stomach still turns at the thought of them. A vanishing dream never realized and a life never lived. How obsessive and pathetic does that sound. But again another corner piece put in place. I no longer feel the need to go out during the week, whats the point. I will miss my Beatles, but they play on the weekends sometimes and I will sit in the back with a floppy hat and big sunglasses and a broken heart and listen to them then.

The next corner piece is this wonderful job I have. I have been handed this wonderful opportunity to excel everyday. I am succeeding everyday. I am proud of myself at this job. I love what I do and must say I am really good at it. I dont want to mess that up with immature social behavior suitable for a 19 year old.

The last corner piece is my Daddy. He came to visit my new addition yesterday as well as converse. I must admit since my wavering, I havent visited with them as often as normal. He thought I was mad at him, he told me he had been upset with me. He continued on. He said alcohol was going to ruin my life but that it was none of his business but that he would no longer enable me. I let him know that I was never mad at him but knew he was upset with me so I avoided the situation. I was glad to hear that he was no longer going to be my enabler. I needed to hear that. I wanted to cry - still do. I love my daddy. And I know, out of experience, that we enable people out of the truest of love that we have in our hearts. And it is out of that true love that we can finally say no more. I love you so much Daddy. And there is nothing in the world that I want more than to make you proud......on my own.....on my own free will. Momma we know and I will make you both proud.

So, now I have all my corners in place - it is time to start filling in the middle. I do not have the box cover so I have no idea what the picture is going to look like. One piece at a time, and I might get some of them wrong. What I do promise myself is not to JAM a piece in there that clearly does not fit. I am happy with my corners, my foundation, the rest can just get better.

Praying for peace and clarity, friends and family.