Damaged Goods

Like a dented can of ranch style beans at the grocery store. You know the one, the one the stock boy always puts at the front, hoping it will be absent mindedly picked up and taken out, only to be handled and pushed to the side for the 'good can'. So the beans are a little stirred and shaken - they are still beans. But I guess why have a dented can when you can have a 'good can', right?

Well, I am having my beans taken in tomorrow to get evaluated. Pouring all my beans out of the can and seeing what happens next. Im a little nervous, scared, excited. Not sure what to hope for. Like I told my Mom and Dad, I am not hoping to start liking the world, just to be able to start surviving in my own head.

I am guarded with who i have in my life right now, and would be totally cut off if it wasnt for Rachel. She has convinced me that some sense of genuinality (Im sure that is a word)still exists in some people out there and told me not delete them out of my life just yet. I will believe this because I belive in her. She is my soul survivor right now. I love her for being her, for being good, for being from N carolina and for being my true friend. It is a true shame more people cannot be like her.

So although I do not believe whole heartedly in medical science, (I believe we should live until the ripe old age of 25,like in the Bible days, when marriages lasted and happiness was forever - but that is another blog another time)here's to my dr appt tomorrow. My wrapper may appear nicer, but my can will always be dented and my beans always a little shaken.